Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road?
Pavlov: We fed the chicken on the opposite side of the road each day at 4 p.m. until the chicken's autonomic system actually began causing the chicken to cross the road at 4 p.m. without even questioning the why.
B.F. Skinner: On prior occasions when the chicken voluntarily crossed the road, this behaviour was followed immediately by a reinforcing consequence.
Cesar Milan: I bullied, chased, poked, and intimidated the chicken until it raced across the road, because I am a strong leader.
Barbara Woodhouse: You just say Walkies with the right accent and place a crumpet on the other side of the road.
Karen Pryor: By associating R+ with road crossing and P+ with standing still, with a VR schedule, and offering a reward in keeping with the Premack principle, we increased the intensity and frequency of the road crossing behaviour.
Dr. Nicholas Dodman: I gave the chicken fluoxetine, sertraline, paroxetine, carbamazepine, and azapirone and then it was happy to cross the road.
Susan Garrett: I taught the chicken a motivational tug and it happily danced across the road.
Blanche Saunders: Forward! Say heel and jerk the leash! If the chicken lags, jerk forward , if the chicken gets distracted use a series of short snappy jerks. When you get to the other side slap him before he sits and if the chicken sits crooked slap it again.
Electric Collar Advocate: Whenever the chicken does not cross the road I give it an electric shock. But do not worry, the shock is no more than you would feel if you walked on a carpet wearing socks and it does not bother the chicken at all. The feathers standing up and the smell of burning flesh mean nothing. In fact, they are happier having nice clear communication than they would be otherwise.
Positive reward trainer: Chickens are just like little people in feather jackets, and if you love them and give them diamonds and feel sorry for them all the time, they will be happy to cross the road for you.
Paris Hilton: Because I put it in a Gucci bag and carried it.
PETA member: Chickens have the right to live in a world without roads. Any chicken that lives within a hundred miles of a road is suffering an inhumane existence and might eventually be hit by a car so we should kill it today to ensure that it does not die tomorrow.
Bob Bailey: You're late! If your clicks were timed better you would have gotten the chicken across that road a lot faster with fewer reinforcements.
If you don't know who any of these high profile trainers / behavourists / scientists are - it's worth looking them up.
Between them, they have shaped the world of dog training that we know today (maybe not Paris Hilton!)
