The Things People Say
With recognition to an unknown author - here's a tongue in cheek look at the world from the Dog Trainer's perspective
"Every normal man must be tempted, at times, to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats." - H.L.Mencken
AN AGILITY TRAINER'S VOICE MAIL MESSAGE
Hello: This is the Abracadabra Agility Club. We are unable to come to the phone but please
enter the number for your request, we will return your call as soon as possible.
Press 01 if your dog has been asked to leave the local obedience club because he won't sit, wait, down or
come when called (even when on lead) so you thought you would try agility.
Press 02 if your Labrador is morbidly obese and you thought you would try agility.
Press 03 if want your intact male adolescent dog to lie patiently on your front step on your unfenced property
because dogs shouldn't want to run away, should they.
Press 04 if you want puppy training classes but your Boxer is already 12 months old.
Press 05 if you believe that just by turning up to one puppy training class and doing no work whatsoever at home,
your puppy will grow up to be a well adjusted companion.
Press 06 if your nervous, aggressive GSD has bitten and hospitalized Aunt Maude, the vet, and your child
and you want me to re-home it.
Press 07 if you have three children under school age, an invalid parent living at your home, a partner who works away,
are pregnant with twins and want your 8 month old Dalmatian that never gets a walk to stop chewing
everything in sight.
Press 08 if you will not put a muzzle on your deadly aggressive dog because you do not want people to think he is nasty.
Press 09 if your dog is aggressive with other dogs but you want to join one of our groups because it will be nice
for him to have some friends.
Press 10 if you do not believe in rewarding a dog and know that clicker training does not work because your friend Beryl said so.
Press 11 if you think your dog knows he has done wrong when you tell him off and that he obeys you because
he respects you and acknowledges you are a superior being.
Press 12 if you wanted us to wave a magic wand over your contacts/weaves/start line waits in one session
and it did not work when you went to a show just two days later.
Press 13 if you have eleven Jack Russell bitches in a small flat and you want me to teach them not to fight each other.
Press 14 if you could not use a Gentle Leader, indoor crate, or harness because they are cruel.
